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Sitting in south Central Amsterdam, amidst the warmed confines of a typical Dutch dwelling. Escaping the negative 4 Celcius savagery outside, trapped with my thoughts, this is long overdue.

Ok, so I'm not trapped; I chose to stay in one of the coolest cities in the world, with an amazing human being halfway around the planet and clear my head before this pilot season whirlwind begins. And it will be that. 2017 will be the biggest year of my life. I do suppose though:

Doesn't every "up and coming" actor think next year could be "THEE year"?

I suppose the difference lies between hoping and expecting?

I had a dream last night: this guy (some guy I had never met) let me drive his early model BMW 850 (they don't make these anymore, but they were quite the exotic car at the time). I got behind the wheel, his girlfriend hopped in the back, with him in the passenger seat. I TAPPED on the gas and this vehicle just TOOK OFF. Almost literally. I mean, with wings this thing would've flew over the rainbow. The back of my head plastered up against the head rest, I let my foot off the gas obviously, not wanting to destroy this dude's car. But then I glanced over at him and he wasn't frightened at all. He looks back at me as if to say, "what are you waiting for"??

So I, with much precaution, lightly tapped on the gas, and again this thing TOOK OFF. It was simultaneously frightening and embarrassing that I couldn't control this BMW - and its going what felt like twice the legal limit within seconds, faster and faster, and there's a tunnel coming up ahead. I damn near go airborne headed toward this tunnel; there's cars all around me, tires are skidding and lifting off of the ground, and I go crashing into the entrance of this tunnel. I just couldn't get the damn front end to straighten out, as the front tires were actually off the ground.

Instantaneously, there's a huge traffic jam behind us, I look up and there's news helicopters airing footage of this huge freeway backup. Nobody was hurt (do you ever really get hurt in a dream?); we all hop out of the car and I run over to the passenger side, embarrassed again, to apologize.

And let me tell you. He smiled at me, was happy I got a chance to drive this magnificent car, and walked off with his girlfriend. I never saw him again.

Why do I tell the story?

Well, I sat with my friend here in Amsterdam later, told her the story, and the first thing she says is, "You feel out of control". Through discussion, we agreed that I obviously have huge 2017 goals, and that that BMW 850 is a metaphorical vehicle, an opportunity, a risk. In order to hit these goals, I may have to jump in some vehicles that may take me on a scary ride, especially when I feel like I'm losing control. But more importantly, and quite the soothing thought: the man who let me drive the car didn't care that I crashed it.

He's letting me know, "Hey, take the risk. If you crash it, you crash it, but you must take the wheel."And not only that, but that the PERCEIVED consequences of crashing are more daunting than crashing itself! How often do we scare ourselves away from opportunity? How often do we choose a slower car, never having the opportunity to crash?

As an actor, I have several projects slated this year, including film, theatre, production, etc. This will be my most impactful career year yet. That difference between hoping and expecting outcomes for 2017 can be defined within the level of willingness to hop in that 850.


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